Open Topic Family Support – Primary Community Forum

Open Topic Family Support – Primary Community Forum

  • Do you recognize the co-occurring mental health disorders such as depression, anxiety, add/adhd, ocd in your family member? If so, how do they impact the hoarding? Do they impact you differently that the hoarding does?

    • YES. I wish I could unpack it better, but I assume you already picked up on that Marnie. I’m finally resettled for this Thursday :). So many coh I talk to seem to be responding to what look like NPD, BPD, histrionic, paranoid, OCPD… It is my suspicion increasingly that hoarding may be compounded, or a susceptibility may be present due to f…[Read more]

      • In regards to the self-medicating yes, but the hoarding is not the self-medication, an acquiring addiction is. Hoarding disorder is a completely separate issue as excessive acquiring occurs outside of those with hoarding disorder in addition to frequently co-occuring with hoarding disorder. This self-medicating through acquiring is typically…[Read more]

        • This interface is killing me Marnie… I just typed a really long reply and it vanished. i’m Going to send you and email instead

        • I also see the fortress-effect of the hoard functioning as a huge LEAVE ME ALONE, KEEP OUT OR ELSE, just like substance abuse, and the fortress keeps people/experience from causing pain, it has a distancing, numbing , anesthetic effect. Given the rampant alcoholism in my mother’s family, and her vehement determination that she would never be a…[Read more]

        • I get what you are saying about PD. The problem is basically that 100% of our parents never seek treatment for hoarding disorder so these two populations do not overlap. We don’t know the population in treatment and experts don’t know ours… I don’t know anyone from COH Yahoo whose parent was ever treated and Many seem to feel their paren…[Read more]

          • This was a lot to take in so I hope that I have addressed each issue for you here.

            The ‘fortress effect’ is definitely a common thread in hoarding. Remember that the clutter is a symptom of hoarding disorder, it is a ‘soothing behavior’ for lack of a better description. This explains why there are physical walls built to reflect the internal…[Read more]

            • Have you read Barbara Allen and Jesse Scholl?

              I don’t imagine researchers are oblivious to what they cannot study, only emphasizing that this lacunae is significant issue for many COH whom I talk to… it is a major road block for many who feel that experts “don’t get it.” Many have disengaged… but the landscape is very different from what wa…[Read more]

            • I would agree that the landscape is significantly different now. Additionally, more and more COH and spouses are getting out in the public arena to speak about their experience and the impact on their lives as well as partnering with researchers. These include, but are not limited to, the authors you mentioned, Cecelia Garrett – who has partnered…[Read more]

            • 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻🙂

            • Group in 30 minutes, will you be participating? Amelia is likely unable to, she’s out of town doing some self-care.

  • And yet another question/comment: would love to see more in library on comorbidity re: personality disorders… it seems like many if not most of the coh i encounter with the most intractable parents are dealing with these issues.

  • More questions: tips for coping with no insight and vehement, defensive denial?

  • Marnie, is there a place for general or procedural questions? For example, looking through the library, so many resources would be helpful tools to share with my mother as a communication vehicle, but I fully appreciate the importance of not giving away the resources outside of subscription… Are there any acceptible uses with our beloved hoarders?

    • All the information in the Library is public so printing it out is not a problem. What we don’t want is anyone other than subscribing members logging in and gaining access to the other features and benefits of the site. As I mentioned in a reply above, the Library is a great resource for topic discussions for the weekly group. If you find a…[Read more]

      • For now, I think the point is moot…I cant say whether my mother is is the process of a major break with reality or whether she will come around… only time will tell…

  • Hi all, please see the post on the friends and family group re: Warning, not for squeamish so we can discuss further, 😏 CS

  • What is your biggest challenge you are currently having with your family member that is struggling with hoarding?

    • I am afraid of getting angry at my parents for their hoarding disorder when I was a child… I don’t want to lose my relationship with them but I do think a period of distance for me to process my anger might help… I am worried if I allow myself to get angry about it I may never recover… also I am worried about hurting their feelings with the…[Read more]

      • This is a tough situation for you, that is sure. You really have to do a cost/benefit analysis on the toll/cost of not expressing your anger to them vs. expressing it and how it ultimately impacts your ability to live your best life. If the cost outweighs the benefit then you have to figure out how do you accept the anger and move forward. Of…[Read more]

        • Amelia, you can feel the anger without sharing all your feelings with them. I was really angry as a kid an buried it in my teens bc i couldn’t stand all the conflict. Anger is the hardest part for me. I usually burst into tears if really angry bc it is soo buried. i can be snarky, sarcastic, impatient, irritable, but i can’t do red hot…[Read more]

      • The other thing i might add is that while I understand you worry about their feelings bc that is how you were trained, parentified etc, that’s not your responsibility. You are accountable for your feelings and the sooner you reverse those priorities the better. That said, facing your own feelings ultimately has little to do with what or how you…[Read more]