Claudia Schaler

Claudia Schaler

  • Claudia Schaler posted a new activity comment 1 month, 2 weeks ago

    Marnie, the weekly group seems to have disappeared from the menu? Are we 830 this week?

    • Yes Claudia, we are. My apologies, we are making a change to have the Weekly Group – Live! as a page that shows up on the menu next to ‘Groups’. This will make it easier to get to and allows me to put an alert at the top each week for the topic as well as a reminder of the group time. It should be up now however, if not it will hopefully be by the…[Read more]

  • Claudia Schaler posted a new activity comment 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    Maybe a less cold sounding version is that I realized there was no “us” there was me taking care of her, there was a big, often suffocating HER, but there was no us. I’d always been coping on my own. I could me me taking care of her and taking care of me, or I could be me taking care of her and neglecting me, but either way it was really all o…[Read more]

  • Claudia Schaler posted a new activity comment 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    The trouble is that I never would have said I was “waiting for permission” I didn’t feel like I was, or that I needed it, but I was waiting on my mother for something… I thought it had something to do with her/us … it did, once… but I got sick of waiting and I just left her behind. and then things got better… It sounds kinda harsh and t…[Read more]

  • Claudia Schaler posted a new activity comment 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    my mother does not recognize anything. and I feel a lot of peace, or a lot more than I once did. I am not my mother. She is not me. Her recognition no longer matters to me. I don’t need her to recognize she has a problem or that she hurt me and still does. I don’t know why/how that shift occurred bc I once wanted my parents to get it. I’m…[Read more]

    • That is powerful and so important for others that are still struggling with acceptance and placing responsibilities.

      • The trouble is that I never would have said I was “waiting for permission” I didn’t feel like I was, or that I needed it, but I was waiting on my mother for something… I thought it had something to do with her/us … it did, once… but I got sick of waiting and I just left her behind. and then things got better… It sounds kinda harsh and t…[Read more]

      • Maybe a less cold sounding version is that I realized there was no “us” there was me taking care of her, there was a big, often suffocating HER, but there was no us. I’d always been coping on my own. I could me me taking care of her and taking care of me, or I could be me taking care of her and neglecting me, but either way it was really all o…[Read more]

  • Claudia Schaler posted a new activity comment 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    Yee is not acceptable to my autocorrect…

  • Claudia Schaler posted a new activity comment 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    I might add for now, forget about them and honor yourself. When you feel your needs are met, by you, elsewhere, maybe then you can worry about theirs but it sounds like they have crowded you out for a long time and it is your turn now 🙂

    • my mother does not recognize anything. and I feel a lot of peace, or a lot more than I once did. I am not my mother. She is not me. Her recognition no longer matters to me. I don’t need her to recognize she has a problem or that she hurt me and still does. I don’t know why/how that shift occurred bc I once wanted my parents to get it. I’m…[Read more]

      • That is powerful and so important for others that are still struggling with acceptance and placing responsibilities.

        • The trouble is that I never would have said I was “waiting for permission” I didn’t feel like I was, or that I needed it, but I was waiting on my mother for something… I thought it had something to do with her/us … it did, once… but I got sick of waiting and I just left her behind. and then things got better… It sounds kinda harsh and t…[Read more]

        • Maybe a less cold sounding version is that I realized there was no “us” there was me taking care of her, there was a big, often suffocating HER, but there was no us. I’d always been coping on my own. I could me me taking care of her and taking care of me, or I could be me taking care of her and neglecting me, but either way it was really all o…[Read more]

  • Claudia Schaler posted a new activity comment 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    You know they saying, “seek and eye shall find” ? My experience is the opposite. I know that isn’t helpful, but the harder I tried with my mother the less I accomplished… only by detaching, mostly through physical distance which creates emotional distance, I gained perspective, without “trying”. I know that doesn’t help when you want someth…[Read more]

  • Claudia Schaler posted a new activity comment 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    So is there any way to receive notices when there is a reply?

  • Claudia Schaler posted a new activity comment 2 months ago

    It’s not like I can look to APS for any useful guidance re: when she is a danger to herself, she split her head open, but she is competent to take that risk? Competent to refuse to see dr… etc not a confidence inspiring perspective… Hands may be tied and leaving her be may be the right outcome, but I can’t arrive at that conclusion by pre…[Read more]

  • if there is no topic, I’d like to talk about detachment… Marnie, your criteria for when to stop was very helpful. maybe we could talk about detaching and safety issues? I don’t want to stir the pot, but I have concerns about her driving for instance… how to know when my concerns are “my problem” or a bigger issue would be very useful.…[Read more]

  • Is there a topic for tomorrow?

  • Marnie, what do you think of al-anon?

  • Claudia Schaler posted a new activity comment 2 months, 1 week ago

    👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻🙂

  • Claudia Schaler posted a new activity comment 2 months, 1 week ago

    Have you read Barbara Allen and Jesse Scholl?

    I don’t imagine researchers are oblivious to what they cannot study, only emphasizing that this lacunae is significant issue for many COH whom I talk to… it is a major road block for many who feel that experts “don’t get it.” Many have disengaged… but the landscape is very different from what wa…[Read more]

  • Claudia Schaler posted a new activity comment 2 months, 1 week ago

    I get what you are saying about PD. The problem is basically that 100% of our parents never seek treatment for hoarding disorder so these two populations do not overlap. We don’t know the population in treatment and experts don’t know ours… I don’t know anyone from COH Yahoo whose parent was ever treated and Many seem to feel their paren…[Read more]

    • This was a lot to take in so I hope that I have addressed each issue for you here.

      The ‘fortress effect’ is definitely a common thread in hoarding. Remember that the clutter is a symptom of hoarding disorder, it is a ‘soothing behavior’ for lack of a better description. This explains why there are physical walls built to reflect the internal…[Read more]

      • Have you read Barbara Allen and Jesse Scholl?

        I don’t imagine researchers are oblivious to what they cannot study, only emphasizing that this lacunae is significant issue for many COH whom I talk to… it is a major road block for many who feel that experts “don’t get it.” Many have disengaged… but the landscape is very different from what wa…[Read more]

      • I would agree that the landscape is significantly different now. Additionally, more and more COH and spouses are getting out in the public arena to speak about their experience and the impact on their lives as well as partnering with researchers. These include, but are not limited to, the authors you mentioned, Cecelia Garrett – who has partnered…[Read more]

      • 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻🙂

      • Group in 30 minutes, will you be participating? Amelia is likely unable to, she’s out of town doing some self-care.

  • Claudia Schaler posted a new activity comment 2 months, 1 week ago

    I also see the fortress-effect of the hoard functioning as a huge LEAVE ME ALONE, KEEP OUT OR ELSE, just like substance abuse, and the fortress keeps people/experience from causing pain, it has a distancing, numbing , anesthetic effect. Given the rampant alcoholism in my mother’s family, and her vehement determination that she would never be a…[Read more]

  • Claudia Schaler posted a new activity comment 2 months, 1 week ago

    This interface is killing me Marnie… I just typed a really long reply and it vanished. i’m Going to send you and email instead

  • Claudia Schaler posted a new activity comment 2 months, 1 week ago

    YES. I wish I could unpack it better, but I assume you already picked up on that Marnie. I’m finally resettled for this Thursday :). So many coh I talk to seem to be responding to what look like NPD, BPD, histrionic, paranoid, OCPD… It is my suspicion increasingly that hoarding may be compounded, or a susceptibility may be present due to f…[Read more]

    • In regards to the self-medicating yes, but the hoarding is not the self-medication, an acquiring addiction is. Hoarding disorder is a completely separate issue as excessive acquiring occurs outside of those with hoarding disorder in addition to frequently co-occuring with hoarding disorder. This self-medicating through acquiring is typically…[Read more]

      • This interface is killing me Marnie… I just typed a really long reply and it vanished. i’m Going to send you and email instead

      • I also see the fortress-effect of the hoard functioning as a huge LEAVE ME ALONE, KEEP OUT OR ELSE, just like substance abuse, and the fortress keeps people/experience from causing pain, it has a distancing, numbing , anesthetic effect. Given the rampant alcoholism in my mother’s family, and her vehement determination that she would never be a…[Read more]

      • I get what you are saying about PD. The problem is basically that 100% of our parents never seek treatment for hoarding disorder so these two populations do not overlap. We don’t know the population in treatment and experts don’t know ours… I don’t know anyone from COH Yahoo whose parent was ever treated and Many seem to feel their paren…[Read more]

        • This was a lot to take in so I hope that I have addressed each issue for you here.

          The ‘fortress effect’ is definitely a common thread in hoarding. Remember that the clutter is a symptom of hoarding disorder, it is a ‘soothing behavior’ for lack of a better description. This explains why there are physical walls built to reflect the internal…[Read more]

          • Have you read Barbara Allen and Jesse Scholl?

            I don’t imagine researchers are oblivious to what they cannot study, only emphasizing that this lacunae is significant issue for many COH whom I talk to… it is a major road block for many who feel that experts “don’t get it.” Many have disengaged… but the landscape is very different from what wa…[Read more]

          • I would agree that the landscape is significantly different now. Additionally, more and more COH and spouses are getting out in the public arena to speak about their experience and the impact on their lives as well as partnering with researchers. These include, but are not limited to, the authors you mentioned, Cecelia Garrett – who has partnered…[Read more]

          • 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻🙂

          • Group in 30 minutes, will you be participating? Amelia is likely unable to, she’s out of town doing some self-care.

  • Claudia Schaler posted a new activity comment 2 months, 3 weeks ago

    I would be more comfortable with “forced intervention does not work” and leave aside the distracting red herring of “self-determination “

    The other issue is that “legal competency” standard turns a blind eye to a zillion shades of diminished capacity.

    I also don’t feel like APS tries to connect her to services or options. Their approach is “…[Read more]

  • Claudia Schaler posted a new activity comment 2 months, 3 weeks ago

    This sort of thing definitely satisfies my curiosity about how they understand themselves… ultimately, I think I have fierce substantive conflict regarding the meaning of self-determination, as a political philosopher there is no self-determination or autonomy without reason and rational self interest. Being a prisoner to irrational desire,…[Read more]

    • I hear what you are saying. The other issue that has an impact in regards to APS, especially in hoarding cases, is knowledge, understanding, and resources. We are working on that but it’s a long process.

  • Load More