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  • Claudia Schaler posted an update in the group Group logo of Open Topic Family Support - Primary Community ForumOpen Topic Family Support – Primary Community Forum 2 months, 3 weeks ago

    Marnie, I gotta explain to my brother’s group home and program what is going on. They know the facts, but we have to develop a plan to help him deal with this roller coaster… I’ve explained to them that her lack of insight is not likely to improve… that continued/accelerating deterioration is all I can expect when she is evicted from the property, etc. But HD is pretty intangible to them. I’ve explained she is homeless and only likely to become more precarious once we don’t know where to find her when evicted from the property. They know this could take months and months for the auction and eviction, but after that we are facing indefinite progression… Do you have any advice or recommendations on educating them to help him deal with her behavior… He hardly has the faculties to practice detachment when he’s in a full blown meltdown… but we need to decide how much to tell him and how to approach it… Thoughts? Suggestions?

    • I forgot to @mjmatthews

    • That’s a tough one! Do you think any of TCM YouTube videos would be helpful?

      • I dunno… if she had a terminal diagnosis but the timeline was uncertain, they could manage expectations to that but this is not in the repertoire and I don’t have a good analogy… he does poorly with anticipation, but he’s having constant meltdowns bc he knows she is not safe, no matter how many lies she tells him, so whenever her cell phone battery dies he’s convinced she has fallen or worse… she cannot deal with recovering any keepsakes and such, but it might be wise to see if there is anything he wants to salvage before it’s all gone…I don’t know that it could be found or salvaged, but maybe that’s better than telling him it’s all gone… but then you open the door to all kinds of questions about where she’s going to go and what is going to happen that have no answers and he doesn’t do well with so much uncertainty nor does he do well with surprises and then she drops bombs and he does into a tailspin… I have no idea what they need to know to assess what to tell him now, later, as needed, etc… the foreclosure is a certainty and the plan was to tell him when it was for sure, but it opens a big can of worms…

      • I guess my problem is that I don’t want to be gaslighting him to manage his behavior. His concerns are valid regardless of the fact that he gets obsessed and has tantrums over it… telling him everything is going to be fine is not viable but I don’t have an alternative. They like to try to stick with facts and avoid hypotheticals… which is good in principle, but the what if’s are going to come gushing as soon as we tell him about the house…

        • In regards to how best to approach this with your brother, that’s above my paygrade : (

          • Oh no, I don’t imagine you could! I haven’t a clue either… but I always feel like there is ‘something’ i’m supposed to do… like know what to tell them so they have the necessary information to do their jobs… I don’t always BELIEVE there is something i’m supposed to do, so I usually try to figure out if there is something I CAN do… Do you know of anything written about homeless hoarders? More than a mere mention that it can lead to that? Maybe I should tell them to approach this as they would if she were simply homeless bc that is the dominant fact? maybe that their resident has a homeless mentally ill guardian/parent is what they need to know, more than particulars re: hoarding disorder? I just don’t quite know how to un pack this… so i’m thinking out loud…@mjmatthews