• Marnie Matthews, MSW, LICSW posted an update in the group Group logo of Family DynamicsFamily Dynamics 11 months, 1 week ago

    What is your biggest challenge in getting other family members to work together to help address the hoarding?

    • I’m the only child so it’s 2 to 1 and all the extended family wants nothing to do with it…

      • Im effectively also the only child bc my brother is disabled. i hear you.

        • Makes sense.

          • Ultimately my biggest challenge is letting go… I’m a fixer, just about all of this could be fixed, if she’d let me… accepting her living in her car, etc., when I could have and still could fix many of the most egregious problems regarding her physical safety is VERY hard to accept. It makes me angry, frustrated that she subjects me and particularly my brother to this concern over her safety. yesterday was his birthday, she was supposed to visit and she never showed… at 9pm when I called to say goodnight to him, he was still waiting for her. i hate that she does this to him. It is good that she is not speaking to me now bc I would not have been able to contain myself. I don’t need to control all her madness, but I would still like to be able to control her impact on my brother, although I recognize it is ‘beyond my control” i still find it very hard to let go in such situations. There are some things I would still like to control and limit… he cannot create boundaries to protect himself as I can and her behavior of this sort makes me furious… never mind she cannot really drive and never should have promised to come… grr.. 🙂

            • You are in a really frustrating situation to put it very lightly. There is a point in situations where I have to consider if I am being helpful anymore to person or the situation. While all the actions of a team to help someone resolve a hoarding situation are clearly going to be helpful, if the person is refusing and/or stuck and unable to acknowledge or accept help, we are ultimately not being helpful by continuing the work. Understandably, this has significantly more impact on you then on me since I am not related to the people I work with. That being said, it is still hard for me when it comes to that point. There is a lot of assessment and reassessment and second guessing on my part many times.